Warning: honesty transparency is coming. Just thought I would alert you.
Sometimes I feel so confused, isolated, and unprotected. Uncertainty hovers like a cloud as I question every turn. Jesus feels far and each step potentially takes me further from, rather than closer to Him. My very lostness convicts me- I don't think Christians are supposed to feel this way.
How will I ever find my way back? My solution usually involves some combination of trying harder, working on a better attitude, pasting a smile on, and answering, "I'm fine" to every inquiry (which is probably a lie a majority of the time.) I know the right words to say. I even say them to myself.
But I am lost.
Wallowing in my lostness recently, the story of the Shepherd hunting for the one lost sheep popped unbidden to my mind (which is why it is so important to read and study Scripture. It is like a homing device, pointing us back to truth.) My Shepherd leaves the 99 just to hunt for the one, even when that one is little-ole me.
Why? I have no idea.
The only reason I am lost is because I wasn't paying attention and wandered away.
I don't deserve it and He doesn't need me.
What a bother. What an inconvenience.
What a distraction from the work to be done.
But my Shepherd willingly searches for and finds me.
When the Good Shepherd locates me, He knows I am weak, discouraged, and spent.
He could discipline me, but instead He picks me up.
He could scold me, but instead He lays me across His ever-sufficient shoulders and carries me.
And when we arrive back at the fold? Am I in trouble then? Do I have to earn my way back into His good graces? How does He react?
He throws me a party.
Think about it:
The first and the last. The Alpha and Omega.
The first born of all creation, and He who holds it all together.
The One who created the heavens, which now declare His glory.
The Cornerstone and the Rock on which I stand.
He Who sits at the right hand of the Father and of Whom the angels declare, "Holy, holy, holy."
He searches for me. He finds me. And He celebrates my return. I was lost and now I am found.
He found me 36 years ago at a Baptist church revival. Even then I couldn't fully grasp that I didn't have to do ANYTHING but believe. It took years to fully comprehend His sufficiency. But as amazing as salvation is, there is another truth, just as important.
I may have been saved once, but I have required finding over and over and over again.
And Jesus is a Finder. I don't why He keeps bothering with me. He has work to do.
But my Jesus never leaves me nor forsakes me.
He finds me.
He picks me up.
He carries me home.
And He throws me a party.
Do you feel lost today?
I urge you- do not obstinately resist help. Do not try and work your way back. Do not imitate the stubborn two-year-old who definitely and foolishly proclaims, "I do it myself!"
Instead, sit down and bleat as loud as you can. Your Shepherd is on the hunt and on the way. He will find you. And being found by Him is the sweetest joy on the earth.